10.) Put it by the toilet to read. 9.) Put it by the toilet in case you run out of toilet paper. 8.) Shred it to make confetti. 7.) Recycle. 6.) Roll it up and whack your sibling over the head! 5.) Roll it up and look through it, pretending to be a [...]]]>

Top 10 Things To Do With A Newspaper!

10.) Put it by the toilet to read.
9.) Put it by the toilet in case you run out of toilet paper.
8.) Shred it to make confetti.
7.) Recycle.
6.) Roll it up and whack your sibling over the head!
5.) Roll it up and look through it, pretending to be a pirate!
4.) Put it on the windowsill and discover the magic of fading!
3.) Take it to work and show off that you get paid less than everyone!
2.) Sit down in your armchair and pretend to read it in case your in-laws show up!
1.) Take it to show and tell!

Arsoli (Lazio, Italy) Bastard (Norway) Beaver (Oklahoma, USA) Beaver Head (Idaho, USA) Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK) Chinaman’s Knob (Australia) Climax (Colorado, USA) Cunt (Spain) Cunter (Switzerland) Dikshit (India) Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada) Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border) Dongo (Congo – Democratic Republic) Effin (Limerick, Ireland) Fuku (Shensi, China) Fukue (Honshu, Japan) Fukui (Honshu, Japan) Fukum (Yemen) Hold With Hope (Greenland) Intercourse [...]]]>

Top Weird City, Town Names. Would you like to live here?  These are names of actual locations:

Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Bastard (Norway)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)
Chinaman’s Knob (Australia)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Cunt (Spain)
Cunter (Switzerland)
Dikshit (India)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Dongo (Congo – Democratic Republic)
Effin (Limerick, Ireland)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukui (Honshu, Japan)
Fukum (Yemen)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Little Dix Village (West Indies)
Lord Berkeley’s Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Seymen (Turkey)
Shafter (California, USA)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Tittybong (Australia)
Tong Fuk (Japan)
Turdo (Romania)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Wank (Germany)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankener (India)
Wankie (Zimbabwe)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wankum (Germany)
Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)

“First, you have to tell me what kind of underwear you’re wearing.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now. Give me your home number and I’ll call you back later tonight.”

“Shhh. Wait a minute. I’m here robbing the house. Whoa! I think the owners just got [...]]]>

10 Ways To Stop Telemarketers. How Get Rid Of Telemarketers.

“First, you have to tell me what kind of underwear you’re wearing.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now. Give me your home number and I’ll call you back later tonight.”

“Shhh. Wait a minute. I’m here robbing the house. Whoa! I think the owners just got home. Can you hold?”

When someone asks whether a spouse is at home: “Yes, but I never allow her (him) to talk to strangers.”

When someone asks how you are: “Well, I’m having an existential crisis at the moment. Let me explain….”

“You want to sell me insurance? I’ve been trying to get insurance for years, but nobody will sell me any!”

To someone hawking a rug-cleaning service, whisper: “Do you get goat’s blood out? How about identifiable fibers and that DNA stuff?”

To a phone company solicitor: “That sounds great! Wait, can you hold for a minute?” (Leave the phone off the hook until he or she hangs up).

When a chimney sweep or rug cleaner calls, break into tears and sob, “Is this some kind of a joke? My house burned down last night. We lost everything!”

Learn show tunes. Anything by Ethel Merman tends to be the most effective.

Things I wouldn’t do for Money, by Dennis Rodman.

Human Rights Advances in China.

The Differences Between Reality and Dilbert.

The Book of Virtue, by Bill Clinton.

To all the Men I’ve Loved Before, by Ellen DeGeneres.

My Plan to Find the Real Killers, by OJ Simpson.

Strom Thurmond: Intelligent Quotes.

Al Gore: The Wild [...]]]>

The World’s Shortest Books. Top 25 Shortest Books

Things I wouldn’t do for Money, by Dennis Rodman.

Human Rights Advances in China.

The Differences Between Reality and Dilbert.

The Book of Virtue, by Bill Clinton.

To all the Men I’ve Loved Before, by Ellen DeGeneres.

My Plan to Find the Real Killers, by OJ Simpson.

Strom Thurmond: Intelligent Quotes.

Al Gore: The Wild Years.

Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean.

America’s Most Popular Lawyers.

Career Opportunities for History Majors.

Detroit—A Travel Guide.

Different Ways to Spell “Bob”.

Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches.

Easy UNIX.

Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance.

Everything Men Know About Women.

Everything Women Know About Men.

French Hospitality.

George Foreman’s Big Book of Baby Names.

How to Sustain a Musical Career, by Art Garfunkel.

One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA.

Staple Your Way to Success.

The Amish Phone Book.

The Engineer’s Guide to Fashion.

•You wake up face down on the pavement. •You put your bra on backward and it fits better. •You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold. •You see the 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office. •Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the [...]]]>

How You Can Tell When It’s Going To Be A Rotten Day

•You wake up face down on the pavement.
•You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
•You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
•You see the 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.
•Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
•You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren’t any.
•You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
•Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
•You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don’t have a waterbed.
•Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
•Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
•Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
•The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
•You wake up and your braces are locked together.
•You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
•You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.
•Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
•Your income tax check bounces.
•You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
•Your pet rock snaps at you.
•Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill” and your name is George..

1.Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2.Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4.Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get [...]]]>

50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart

1.Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2.Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4.Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5.Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7.Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8.Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9.When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.
10.Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
11.Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”.
12.Play with the automatic doors.
13.Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14.While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who buys this crap, anyway?”
15.Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16.Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
17.Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18.Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19.As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
20.Put M&M’s on layaway.
21.Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
22.Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23.Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
24.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25.Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “…I’m Batman. Come, Robin—to the Batcave!”
26.TP as much of the store as possible.
27.Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28.Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.
29.When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
30.When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
31.Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
32.Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33.Take bets on the battle described above.
34.Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36.Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37.Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
38.Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39.Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40.Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
41.Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
42.Two words: “Marco Polo.”
43.Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44.“Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.
45.In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
46.When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48.When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
49.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50.Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (I don’t want to do my dad.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest [...]]]>

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women and What They Actually Mean.

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (I don’t want to do my dad.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else
you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)

5. I don’t date men where I work. (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is
better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate. (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let’s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all
the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s the male perspective thing.)

Top 10 rejection lines given by Men (and what they actually mean…)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You’re ugly.)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You’re ugly.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You’re ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You’re ugly.)

6. I’ve got a girlfriend. (You’re ugly.)

5. I don’t date women where I work.) (You’re ugly.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (You’re ugly.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (You’re ugly.)

2. I’m celibate. (You’re ugly.)

1. Let’s be friends. (You’re sinfully ugly.)