Famous people answer the most asked question in the world….why did the chicken cross the road? Now you will know

KEN STARR: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement [...]]]>

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Famous people answer the most asked question in the world….why did the chicken cross the road? Now you will know

KEN STARR:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president’s ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes!
The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed,
I’ve not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE:
It is in the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?

From Paris Hilton to Pamela Anderson, Vanessa Hudgens to Britney Spears. Fake or not, those celebrity nude photos seem to be everywhere. Our sex-obsessed society can’t seem to get enough.

But there’s a breaking point. A time when someone has to stand up and say, enough! Most of [...]]]>

Nude Celebrity Photos I Hope to Never See Naked

From Paris Hilton to Pamela Anderson, Vanessa Hudgens to Britney Spears. Fake or not, those celebrity nude photos seem to be everywhere. Our sex-obsessed society can’t seem to get enough.

But there’s a breaking point. A time when someone has to stand up and say, enough! Most of the following haven’t crossed the line, yet. But who knows what someone might do for a little publicity? For the sake of all involved, please, those of you listed below, keep your clothes on!

Dr. Phil McGraw - Dr. Phil’s a levelheaded, affable guy. I don’t think we have any worries here. But just in case, if you have any private photos around, Phil, keep them private. Please.

Rosie O’Donnell – In the 1994 Flintstone’s Movie, Rosie donned a skimpy Betty Rubble dress. Shortly after the movie was released, there was a poll published somewhere in which men said they would prefer to date Betty Rubble over Wilma Flintstone. Rosie as Betty? Passable. But no more, Rosie, please. (Or in this case, no less.)

Donald Trump – Trump looks good in an expensive suit. He’s rarely seen in public wearing anything less. And let’s keep it that way.

Homer and Marge Simpson – We’ve seen Homer in his underwear plenty of times. But for the love of Matt Groening, let’s hope it ends there. And Marge, please stay as sweet, and as clothed, as you already are.

Britney Spears (Pregnant or Not) – Welcome to the wonderful world of getting older, Britney. It’s time to take a hint from some of your more distinguished colleagues and start covering up now, before it’s really too late.

Senator Ted Kennedy – Ted has an allegedly wild past. Who knows who might have pulled out a camera at one of those out-of-control all-nighters? Let’s hope the evidence is long gone.

Martha Stewart - Saturday Night Live did a skit many years ago featuring a topless Martha Stewart. The idea was very funny. The best comedy has a touch of truth. Trust us, Martha. Stick to pots, pans and gardens.

Bill and Hillary Clinton - Those allegedly candid 1998 “romantic dancing on the beach swimsuit photos” were more than enough for the world. Let’s hope nothing else ever leaks.

Hugh Hefner - As long as he keeps that robe on, Hugh’s not looking too bad for his age. But if there’s any choice between looking at him or his current girlfriends, well…

Dog the Bounty Hunter – Dog’s led a hard life. It’s shows in his face. And that’s all we need to see, thank you.

Madonna – The former boy toy is showing less and less these days. And we’re liking it more and more.