Top Stupid Signs and Notices:
“No stopping or standing.” — A sign at bus stops everywhere.
“Do not sit under coconut trees.” — A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.
“These rows reserved for parents with children.” — A sign in a church.
“All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for.” — A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.
“Malfunction: Too less water.” — A notice left on a coffee machine.
“Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone.” — On a form in a clinic.
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” — On a bag of Fritos.
“Fits one head.” — On a hotel-provided shower cap box.
“Payment is due by the due date.” — On a credit card statement.
“No small children.” — On a laundromat triple washer.
“Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs.” — A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge.
Top Stupid Instructions:
“Remove the plastic wrapper.” — The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.
“Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone.” — On a box of pills.
“Open packet. Eat contents.” — Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.
“Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.” — Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.
“Use like regular soap.” — On a bar of Dial soap.
* “Instructions: usage known.” — Instructions on a can of black pepper.
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.” — On a Swann frozen dinner.
“Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants.” — On a bag of cat biscuits.
“In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.” — In a car manual.
“Please include the proper portion of your bill.” — On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.
“The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the ‘on’ position.” — Instructions for an espresso kettle.
“For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid.” — On a Domino’s sandwich box.
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